


The Staff

by awerewolf



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Trespasser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:05:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awerewolf/pseuds/awerewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas debates on whether or not to keep a gift that was given to him by the Inquisitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Staff

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes i write things just to hurt myself lmao (references [this post](http://snugglenug.tumblr.com/post/128757388490/meanwhile-i-had-a-headcanon-that-sometime-before), in case you're curious)

Solas takes the staff in his own two hands, looking over it. He remembers clearly the day she brought it to him. Noll, the inquisitor, smiling shyly as she handed it over to him. She had made it for him, a gift. One that, at the time, made his heart feel light in his chest.

He ran his hands over the ironbark, and could imagine her sitting with it for hours, sanding down the wood until it was soft and supple. She had carved the end of the staff too, and managed to find a crystal to focus magic for the end. She wrapped several kinds of leather under the crystal, mostly from a recently slain dragon, to focus the magic. It was perfect.

Noll was skilled at crafting, but it must’ve taken her weeks to complete. He often admired her thoughtfulness and patience, and every inch of it showed in the gift she’d given him.

But now… he turned the staff in his hands, looking over it. He had left, after Corypheus, and left her again in the Crossroads after taking her anchor. He no longer had use for a staff, not with all of his power returned to him and… keeping the thing was a constant reminder of her.

He should rid himself of it, but the thought pains him as he looks down on the gift. She had wanted him to have this. She had given it to him merely the day before he ended their relationship in Crestwood. This was everything she felt for him, neatly packaged and offered, and he’d taken it.

Every time he thought of ridding himself of the thing, he could only imagine what she would think if she knew he’d done so. It would hurt her to know he had thrown something with so much meaning away. He had kept it in his quarters, hidden from anyone else to see, and often glanced at it and thought of her.

But he didn’t need a staff now, and using the thing to channel his full power would surely break it. He was only keeping it because it was given to him by her, and he couldn’t… He had once told her to harden her heart, and now he must do the same. It was only a staff, it was only an object. Material things held no _real_ value.

Yes, it was only a staff, but when he snapped it in half with his bare hands he felt the sharp sound of it in his chest. It was only a staff, but when he threw the broken pieces in the fire, he felt an impulse so strong to reach in and get the pieces back out before they burned too badly. But he didn’t.

The wood popped in the fire, the leather burning away with a bitter smell, and the crystal broke. He watched it as it burned, unable to tear his eyes away.

When it was just embers, he realized he had nothing left to remember her by but his own memory. The realization clawed at him, but he forced the feeling down and told himself it was better that way.


End file.
